Tuesday, May 3, 2016

It's May???

How has it been 4 full months of staying at home?  It has been so fun and so challenging and so QUICK!!!!  These people eat SO MUCH...and the dishes - oh, the dishes.  Oh, sweet Jesus, the dishes.  I had so much help when I was working - I didn't even realize.  Mom would always wash and fold the laundry and empty and load the dishwasher.  Sunny, sweet, sweet Sunny.  She taught my Molly patience and Jesus truths...and she vacuumed.  Oh, the sweet sound of that vacuum from the basement.  

I'm typing this from our little mini pad/laptop thing, that I don't even have pictures to upload.  

It's been a week.  A WEEK.  Not kids wise, but, people I love wise.

And, as summer approaches, I feel the anxiety of finding a job come September getting more and more real.  I feel like the past months have been an honest trial of full time parenting, learning how to be a stay at home Mom, learning how to be the household CEO, CFO and CIO and juggle three kids and ALL THE FEELS in the same 24 hours (or minutes) that they occur.  Not to mention, all of my feels....and PMS....and family drama...and neighborhood drama....and feeling like everyone in your bible study lives in the country club and you live in the county, but you love them just the same and hope they love you, too.  And, worrying about your first precious niece and the drama that apparently now accompanies 10 year olds.  Yall, I wonder how I ever worked and juggled anything else.

It's been so much fun.  (And, I can't figure out why this red squiggly line under all of my typing won't go away).  The house isn't sparkling (and, every time I mop it freaking monsoons), the toilets upstairs currently have rings in them -and also some turkey thing drying on the counter (Sorry, Nanna - that's in your bathroom).  I have the were-withal to actually think about where my kids are educationally and what we need to do to prepare for the next school year.   We actually have TIME to work on school in the afternoon - rather than rush into dinner and bath and bed.  It's all incredibily amazing, and challenging and wonderful at the same time.  

I'm no more graceful at this stage of parenting than I was before, but, I do have a profound appreciation of working parents - and what I gained and missed during those years.  Thankfully, I think my children gained more than I missed - but, it doesn't alleviate the guilt of my feelings of missing out.  Team Adkisson has been blessed - by Nanna, who selflessly gave almost six years of her Monday's and Tuesdays, of Annie, who always filled the gaps, of Sunny and Michelle and Melinda and the others who loved our babies like their own.  I'm so, so, so thankful for this time - and, daily, I remind myself what a gift this is.  And, when I lose my patience, I'm quick to bring myself back to reality.  They days are long....but, these years are short.  I'm thankful for these (sometimes long) days with my tribe - for I know they will not always love me so much that they want to marry me (Marlin) or never want to get married (Madeline) or want to marry Will but live in our backyard (Molly).  

The past few months, I have felt a draw to Jesus like I've never felt.  I don't know if I'm finally above water enough to hear the calling or if I'm finally making room for Him.  But, I do know, the Bible study group I joined in January, and have stuck with, even though I may not feel like I 100% belong, has been a crazy blessing in my life.  And, I've never prayed to Jesus like I've been able to talk to him in the past 4 months.  I hope that, even though the Devil works SUPER HARD in our house on Sunday's, that our kids grow up knowing how much Jesus loves them and how much their parents love Jesus.  

Have you ever felt that you are just where God wants you, even thought it's never where you'd have expected to be?  That's where I am now.  I love where I am...never believed God would have led our family to this situation.  Loving the moment where we are!

"Be still and know that I am God" Psalms 46:10

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