Sunday, December 16, 2012

Good-bye, Bertha Jean.

This past Thursday there was a meteor shower.  I can't say I ever really participate in those types of events.  I do admire the moon regularly, but, the last time I saw a shooting star would have been middle school.  Thursday night I saw seven.  SEVEN.  And, that was only in about a 30 minute time frame.  They were gorgeous.  Also on Thursday night, my grandmother's sister, my great Aunt Jean met the Lord.  I'd like to think those 7 shooting stars were Heaven's way of greeting Jean and letting me know that she was safe and in her Father's arms.  A Heavenly celebration, if you will.

She was 83.  She had a long life and was able to raise her children and even know her grandchildren as adults.  I'd be happy to live that long.  I wish I'd had my Granny until she was 83.  She died when I was 14...this coming May she will have been gone 20 years.  TWENTY YEARS.  If only my Granny had been here the last 20 years.  She'd have met her 2 grandsons and SEVEN great-grandchildren.  She'd have been at her son's wedding and her 3 grand daughters weddings.  She'd have met and loved her three grand-son in laws.  She'd have held her daughter's hand through breast cancer...twice...and celebrated her survival.  She could have taught me how to make her sweet tea (I really think she used 3 cups of suger in ONE pitcher...).  Her life was cut short.  Jean had an awesome run...and, she was healthy for most of it, which is important.  Who wants to live till you're 200 if you spent 150 of it sick in a hospital?

In the end, it's never enough.  We all want more.  One more year, to perhaps meet a great grandchild, one more Christmas, one more birthday with your family and friends.  Her funeral is tomorrow.  I'm not going, and I really don't have a great excuse.  I've missed a lot of work lately with sick children, the holidays are coming up and I have lots to accomplish before then.  Nursing twins makes it difficult to be away for many hours.  The list of excuses is long and not half way decent.  You know why I'm really not going?  Because I just can't face it.  The finality of her passing is so heart breaking to me.  That ENTIRE GENERATION from my Mom's side of our family is gone.  An entire generation.  There's no one left to ask questions like, "What was it like being a child during the Depression?  What do you remember about WWII?"  There is no one left to answer questions about names of past generations.  Mom said today that she never knew her Great-Grandmother's name - she just knew her as "Nanny" - there is no one left to tell her.  It terrifies me that my parents are now the oldest generation.  TERRIFIES.

On Friday, one of the most horrific tragedies that has happened during my lifetime occurred at an elementary school in Connecticut.  20 children and 7 adults lost their lives.  20 children younger than 10 years old.  I haven't watched too much of the news, because I just cannot go there.

I needed a healthy dose of perspective lately... minuscule things have been driving me silverware loaded in the dishwasher prongs up (only spatulas should face up)...pants being folded with a pleat in the pant leg (if they don't have a pleat in the legs, don't force one!)...the sippy cups being put away without fist having been put together (but, I never put the bottles together before putting them away - I know, it doesn't make sense)...hardly ever making it to school before carpool ends (seriously, don't shut down carpool at starts at 9!)...2 year olds that think they know more than you  (only time will cure this one :)).  Yes, I admit, I needed a healthy dosing of "get-over-youself-your life is wonderful - now shut the hell up".  I got it.  Load the dishwasher however you like, fold pants whichever way suits you, I'll walk my kid into school in my jammies with my head held high.  I got the message.  My perspective cup runneth over.  Please, Lord, I don't need anymore perspective checks...possibly EVER.

My prayer tonight...
Lord, please bless us with a healthy family, please bless us with many, many, many more years with our parents, please bless our children with happiness always.  Please do not let them ever witness the horror of an event such as that in Connecticut on Friday.  Please bless them with a long relationship with their grandparents.  Please bless those families in Connecticut who are experiencing a pain I pray to never know.  Please bless Aunt Sarah as she buries her Momma and hold her lovingly in Your comfort.

Rest in peace, Aunt Jean.  You are loved and will be missed.  We will see you again one day.

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