Amazed...

Periodically throughout the day, it will hit me that in 7 - 11 weeks, we will be a family of five.  FIVE.  A whole hand full of fingers.  An entire lineup of a basketball team.  1 short of a half dozen.  F.I.V.E.  WOW.  It amazes me.  I remember, one very sad Christmas, I promised myself that my house would never be quiet if I could help it.  That I wanted to fill my home and life with the sound of little feet and laughter and love.  A few years ago, it seemed that my promise to myself and prayer for my life would never come to fruition.  As I look at my little slice of heaven...or get annoyed when she doens't want to go to bed...or feel sad when she has a cold...I'm in constant amazement that God allowed US the privilege of this sweet girl to be the center of our lives.  I almost cannot even believe that He is trusting us with TWO MORE of these miracles.

I was looking through my old blog today for pictures of Molly's room...I thought I had posted on her nursery before, but I couldn't find it.  I'll have to do a show and tell of both nurseries once the babies nursery is complete.  What I did find was a post from December 2009, just two short months before our little miracle entered this world.

While I am so very impatiently waiting on this perfect little being to enter our life, my good friend is waiting on her first beta after her first IVF. I tried to convince her to make them see her today...but she goes in tomorrow morning. For the most part, I've been successful in blocking out the most miserable of the 2 week waits, but her wait has felt more like my own than I imagined possible. I pray for her and for this to be the only IVF cycle she ever suffers through.

I was searching through some old emails today and stumbled across an email from my first IVF of 2009. I wrote:

Dr K just called us. Our beta came back at 9.1. Apparently, it is only a positive pregnancy test if you level is 10 or higher. I have to go back in on Thursday for another beta test. He said even if it does rise, he will not be comfortable for a while that it will last. He was not encouraging that this will result in a healthy pregnancy or baby.

At this point, w e are devastated and praying for a miracle.

It makes me cry reading it now. It amazes me how far we've traveled in 3 and a half years. Notice I don't say "how far we've come" - it doesn't seem like we actually went anywhere, but took a huge detour that did finally take us to the next step of our lives that we'd been seeking. Instead of going directly straight to that next step, I feel our path was more of a U shaped street that we somehow got lost on and finally made it back to the original road we intended to be on the whole time...only about 1 footstep ahead of where we were detoured to begin with.

I remember all too well the days of waiting on that beta - the number that I'd hear when they called - to tell me if we were moving forward or standing still.  There are no words to express the amount of pure joy that fills my heart about my three babies.  The sleepless nights, the all too quickly approaching terrible two's, the thought of 3 teenagers and three young adults in college at once, the stress, the frantic thoughts of what could be (insert any emotion here).  Motherhood is more than I could have ever dreamed of...it's the most challenging and rewarding journey I've ever experienced. 

Amazed...and blessed beyond belief.  You three babies were worth the wait.  Mommy loves you.