"Here's to no more babysitters!"

"Cheers!  Here's to no more babysitters!" That's what my youngest child said when I told her I'd finished my last project for work. 

For the first time in my audit life I'm unemployed with no immediate plans to find gainful employment.  It's scary and exhilarating and nerve racking and so unbelievably exciting all wrapped up into one big ball of emotions.

For the past 11 years I've worked for the same company...one that I've said more times than I can count that it would be where I retire.  I love a lot of the people that I've worked for and with over the years and I know that some of those relationships will endure (especially thanks to social media).  Others would endure regardless.  And, it absolutely hasn't been without mixed emotions that Rob and I decided that a change was due.  Did I cry when I said farewell more than once?  Oh, yes, my friend.  Countless tears.  But, have I cried countless tears watching my children play in the backyard with a sitter?  Oh, yes.  

I am so, so, so thankful that my kids have been able to stay at home with my mom or Rob's mom or a sitter these past almost 6 years.  They have relationships with their grandparents that can never be replaced.  Especially, we are thankful for all that my mom has sacrificed (and gained) by spending the night with us weekly for the past ~6 years to watch the children.  The kids are anxious already about when Nanna will be back to spend the night.  They also know how to adapt to adults that are not their grandparents or parents, and that's a great strength for children to have.

I'm thankful for the career I've had up until now.

But, you know what?  I'm so thankful for this opportunity to take a minute and "just" be a momma.  I'm so thankful that when I wake up on Monday and there's no school and the babies ask me, "who's babysitting us today?" That my answer will be "me!"  

For a minute in this life, Rob and I were faced questioning whether we'd ever be able to have children.  And, right this minute, I know I'm embarking on the hardest career move I've ever made and the pay is $0 and there's no 401k match, no employee stock plan, no FSA and no insurance.  The real pay is from the heart and THAT is PRICELESS. This is the career move that matters more than anything.  

There but for the Grace of God...

Today started off just swimmingly.  (Is that even a word?).  Anyway, we got up late, cried because we got up late, missed the bus, cried because we missed the bus, cried because we didn't like our outfits, cried because our diaper leaked, cried because we didn't want to go to kindergarten, cried because the sky was blue, cried because the right cup wasn't clean.  You know, one of those smooth mornings where everything goes just right?  And, then, I get them all loaded in the car, all with tears and me almost in tears and...back into the garage door.  Oh, the cacophony of cries.  That's it.  Get out.  Get back in bed.  Start over.  The school will probably call family services on me for being tardy twice in a week, but, whatever.  But, you know what?  It's OK.  We are OK.  We made it to school and when we did, there were no tears.  And, I'm fine and they are fine and the garage is fine and the car is fine...and even if they weren't, they can be fixed.  We are the lucky ones.

This past weekend, a boy in a neighboring county played at his Senior homecoming football game and had a car accident on the way home.  And, you know what?  That's not OK.  His momma can no longer hold him and make things better.  He is fine in the arms of Jesus, but, what is left behind is not OK.  He has a momma and a daddy and a brother, and aunts and uncles and cousins, and friends and maybe grandparents.  And, they aren't OK.  And, their lives will never be the same because they can no longer hug him, or play ball with him, or hold him in their arms and whisper in his ear how much they love him.  By the grace of God, his family will find some kind of new normal, but, nothing will ever be the same.

This young man's untimely death has shaken me to the core.  I can't get him out of my mind.  And, moreover, I can't get his mom out of my mind.  I can't imagine facing a day like she has faced each morning since Saturday.  I can't imagine answering that door and receiving the news she got Saturday morning.  I just can't imagine.

In high school, we, too, lost a friend.  A sweet, sweet girl, who loved life and had this contagious smile.  She left a mark on all of us that we will never forget.  I hope her momma knows that none of us have ever forgotten her....and never will.

I want to scream and ask God why these things can happen.  We will never know until we meet again in Heaven, and, gosh, that's a hard truth to live with some days.  In the meantime, I pray for the friends and families of these sweet lives taken way too early from this earth.  And, selfishly, I pray that there but for the Grace of God go I.  Please Lord, keep our babies safe.  Keep them from harm's reach.  Please, Lord, help this sweet family that is going through so much pain and suffering.  Keep them wrapped in your arms, forever and ever.  Amen.

Thank you, Lord, for keeping me in check, and teaching me that everything is just fine, even through the tears and mistakes we make.  I woke up this morning to healthy children.  Thank you, God, for showing me grace, yet again today, by allowing me to see the sunrise and hold my babies.  Amen.

10 minutes on Thursday

I don't know how people keep up regularly with much in their lives.  Someone was trying to sell me something - and they were like. "You just do X once a day for 30 days and VIOLA!  You are a brand new person."  My response, verbatim, "I don't do anything EVERY.SINGLE.DAY except brush my teeth."  And, yall, that's the God's honest truth.  I feel scattered and pulled in too many directions every day to do anything with super regularity.  I'd feel bad about it, but, instead, I like to think of myself as spontaneous.  Sounds better, right?  Anyway, I like to make lists, so, here's a list of things happening these days:

• When Marlin is thirsty, he tells me, "Mommy, I'm getting DRINKIE...I need some BOBBIE!"  Drinkie = thirsty.  Bobbie = chocolate milk.  That boy....melts me.
• Molly ROCKED cheerleading this year.  I'm so proud of how well her squad did.  At the first game, I was really nervous, but, by the last game, I was so proud of how far they'd come.  That girl is seriously competitive....At the last game, she told, "Mom!  The other team has 7 points and we have 0!  We need to cheer better!!!"  Bless her.  We did get a W one time this season.  The other games, well, we just ran out of time.  
• Madeline is loving gymnastics....and, boy, that girl has the booty and legs to be a gymnast!  She's such a hot mess.  She has her gymnastics coach wrapped around her little finger....Coach Justin just smiles at her and shakes his head.  She pretty much can make anyone do what she wants.
• The babies (yes, I know they will be FOUR soon (Be still my heart), but they are still my babies) learn bible verses each week at school.  This morning, Mad took Marlin's toy and he quickly told her, "Ma-win, you are not being kind to one another!!"  LOVE.  LOVE.  LOVE.
• We've switched rooms, once again.  The girls are together now and Marlin has his own room.  The girls room is finished - complete with a vanity and new bedding and new paint....and very girly, but, grown up enough that they won't want me to completely re-do it in a couple of years.  Marlin, bless him, he's being very patient with us to finish his room.  We are doing board and batten and right now, the top 1/3 or so of his walls and his ceiling are finished, and the bottom has one coat of white paint....and toys and furniture are all in the middle of the room.  I did get the hot pink closet door painted navy blue for him, though.  Can't be having a hot pink door now, can we?
• Kindergarten is going well.  Who knew kindergarten could be so stressful?  I'm so thankful that Molly has two great teachers that are very patient with me.  See that?  With me?  hahaha.  Sorry ladies!!!  I haven't been in kindergarten for, um, like 21 years....And, she's my baby.  

Ok, well, I've surpassed my 10 minute allowance by 11 minutes now.  One day, maybe I will do things consistently.  Until then.....

Miss Me?

Has anyone else noticed that we are closing on the FALL of 2015?  I gotta admit it...I TOTALLY HAVE!!  Bring on cooler temperatures, backyard bon-fires, football, sweaters and boots!  I'm doubtful anyone out there in the inter-webs are even reading this - given I have been radio silence for EVER!  I don't really have an excuse.  But, if you have missed me - Welcome back and thanks for reading along - I have definitely missed being here!

LIFE has been speeding by in front of my eyes like a European bullet train.  I compose blog posts in my head more often than I'd care to admit.  The actual follow through is my issue.  I need to figure out how to access ALL of my photos on the MAC from the iPad.  Needless to say, I have tons of updates that I want to post.  Maybe I'll start doing Flashback Fridays...but, if I were you, I wouldn't hold my breath.

This August has been exciting and emotional.  Molly started Kindergarten August 5th...the twins will, THANK THE GOOD LORD!, finally start 3 year old Pre-School on Friday, August 14th.  

To say I was emotional on Molly's first day....well, that might be an understatement.  You *MIGHT* want to agree that I was a mess from Monday's meet the teacher until Thursday's morning bus ride.  I may have teared up at meet the teacher.  I may have cried reading "The Night Before Kindergarten" to her Tuesday night.  I may have choked  up in the car before we made it to the top of the neighborhood Wednesday morning.  I may have had to excuse myself from the classroom Wednesday morning to go to the Kindergarten bathroom to compose myself (but, DANG!  my eyes were a gorgeous shade of turquoise from fighting all of those tears!) and I may have cried just a little when my first born hopped on to the bus Thursday morning like she owned it and had done it each day of her life.  Nope, I'm not pregnant, I am just an emotional mess when it comes to my babies.  

Reflecting over the past years while she was at school that first day, I went through probably thousands of pictures on the MAC.  It's so cliche and annoying when people tell you that the days are long and the years are short.  Damn if that cliche isn't the truest statement of my life right now.  Seriously, you new parents out there....DON'T BLINK.  

Needless to say, if you know Molly, she ROCKED that first day of Kindergarten.  I was distraught because we didn't know a single person in her class - not from PreK or the neighborhood.  I was *almost* that helicopter parent that would've marched to the principal's office and demand her to be changed to another teacher.  I restrained, I know you are proud.  

So, in order of school year...these have been Molly's "First Days" so far...and, yes, I've likely cried on each occasion.  

Young 2's, Canton, GA

I don't actually have a picture of her 5 day 2s first day in Athens, but this was a few days before....so, we will pretend, OK?

Molly's 5 day 3s and the babies Young 2's

First day of PreK

First day of Kindergarten!! 

Day 2 Riding the Bus with Ms. Cindy!

I promise to be back sooner rather than later with the twin's first day of school re-cap!  Thank you for reading along!

2015?!?!

I'm the worst blogger on the face of the planet...but, I'm resolving in 2015 to post, even if it's just a "facebook status" type post....So, here goes.

Marlin was sick yesterday with a stomach bug...Poor little angel.  He calls throwing up pook (like poop but with a K)....it's so cute and funny.  Poor guy only wanted to wear his underwear and would go stand at the side of the toilet and stick his head almost all the way in and then cry because it wouldn't come.  I wish I had a picture of him standing at the toilet trying to puke...that tiny body of a little man in his under-roos...be still my heart.  Luckily, he did get some pook out all over the kitchen floor, all over his bed, down the stairs and all over himself and me and the chair and my phone.  I think he's on the mend today....which is amazing.  And, thank you sweet Lord for Zofran!!!

Speaking of underwear...he totally turned the potty training corner the week before Christmas!!  WOO HOO!  My son, whom I was about to believe would be wearing diapers in college is potty trained!!  Way to go, buddy!!!  Last but not least :).