Lately...

The babies have been growing and changing so much lately - all three of them!  It's crazy how slow some days are and how quickly the months are flying by.  Madeline has almost all of here teeth - except her k9's - but, that baby even has her first set of molars!!  Marlin has 4 teeth.  Yep...no action on that front.  They are both so smart - they definitely are following basic commands - like - bring Mommy your shoe, etc.  What can I say - they are geniuses.  Molly is speaking in paragraphs and singing...Lord, the child wants to hear "my favorite song and your favorite song and then my onney (other) favorite song".  I made a CD a few weeks back, and I'm surprised that it's still playing.  We listen to it on replay every time we get in the car.  I'm kind of tired of the Dixie Chicks "Earl" and Madonna's "Material Girl".  But, it's so fun to sing with her and listen to her...and what she "hears" in the songs - we never get all of the words right.  I know, I know..."Earl" is not exactly appropriate, since it is about permanently getting rid of an abusive husband, but, it's funny and we will just go with it.

We had Molly's end of the year program at school last week.  This is the first school program where she has seen me and not cried.  She are growing up so fast.  The theme was "Revival" and there is something about children singing traditional hymns that makes you cry.  I loved it and was so proud of her.

Rob travels some with his new job.  It's hard on me at night, and I had a melt down this weekend after being a single parent all week.  I don't know how people do it.  I'm so proud of him, though, his boss is already talking to him about a pretty significant promotion.  And, it gets easier every day with the kiddos - last week was uniquely tough because the twins are transitioning from two naps per day to one.  It made for some very grumpy evenings...with lots of tears, from all of us.

This week, I've decided to start writing down goals for the week.  This way, I can sort of hold myself accountable.  For a starting point, I have the following (I assume each week, I'll impose more difficult standards on myself :)):

1. Exercise three times
2. Monday - empty all the trash cans and get the trash to the curb
3. Do not sweat the things you cannot change (this one is the hardest for me)
4. Speak kindly.  Listen to your Granny - "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all"
5. No fast food coffee or breakfast

We will see how my new accountability works.  I've been letting too many things that I have no control over ruin my days and consume my thoughts, in turn, ruining my attitude.  I'm trying to teach myself to let it go.  Somethings will never change and will always be hurtful to my heart.  I need to let it go and accept it.

I'm getting my hair done tomorrow...I'm pretty much like a kid in a candy store excited.  These locks need some major TLC and since I tried to color it myself, because I'm an idiot, it looks pretty terrible.  I'm cheap and the past two years have been pretty hectic, so, Mom had started coloring it for me.  Note to self: there are professionals for a reason...and, life is less hectic now than the past 18 months have been.  Treat yourself once a quarter to getting it professionally done.  

I have several pictures and videos to post, but will have to do that from the other computer.  Our babies are growing so fast, I feel like I can actually seeing them growing if I look closely enough!!!

Dear Dr. Kort...

Today begins "National Infertility and Awareness Week."  While I am *mostly* passed all of my infertility woes, those are some serious wounds that may never heal completely.  Infertility is something I would not wish on my worst enemy...it's a battle unlike any I've ever faced...and one so similar and yet so unique to each person.  It's a "sisterhood" if you will, one that brought more tears to my family than anything prior, and one that has brought more joy to my life than I knew was possible.  Our precious doctor sadly passed away when I was about 6 weeks pregnant with the twins.  He is someone whom I think of almost daily and someone who changed our lives permanently.  For the hell we went through, I was so glad to have him by our side and I'm eternally grateful for his kind words, gentle bedside manner and frank advice.  Below is a letter to him that I was never able to write.

Dear Dr. Kort,

The twins are almost 17 months now and Molly is now a lovely little 3 year old.  It was almost 5 years ago that we first met.  It saddens me to know that you live only in our hearts now.

The twins were two of your last babies...Rita assured me that she had updated you of our double positive before you passed away.  I know that you were thrilled for us...but, that you would have been concerned for our health.  I also know that you took special care of us, because in the past 2 years I've  learned of more multiples with severe issues and really rough first months of life than I care to admit.  I'm continually reminded of how blessed we are.  Thank you is not adequate.

I knew, from the moment Rob and I first met you, that you were someone really incredible.  I called you our "Knight in Shining Armor" because I knew that you would find a way to bring children to our family.  Your bedside manner was the best of any doctor I've ever met or even heard of...and the patience you gave to each of us was incredible.  You tolerated my incessant questioning and my "Dr. Google" questions with more humor and compassion than I probably deserved.  To say that I appreciated your time spent with Rob and I would be an understatement.   

More than being thankful that our paths were able to cross, I'd like for your family to know that you are remembered and thought of constantly in our home.  There's not a day that passes that I don't think of you and your staff and appreciate my time spent at RBA.  It's seems contradictory...to remember with a grateful heart a time that was so very difficult in our lives.  However, time has dulled the pain of those days and in the trenches of motherhood, I can certainly say that the tears, procedures, shots, blood tests, all of it...was worth it.

Thank you for your contribution to our world...and for bringing such miracles into our lives.  Every child is a miracle... and, I'm so grateful that you had a hand in ours.

Love,
Tara

The Tomb was Empty

What fun Easter was this year!  We celebrated with Easter Egg hunts at school and in our community, church and an afternoon at Nanna and Pop's house.  Molly learned about the story of Easter at school and we talked about it at home.  She and I have such sweet conversations before bed every night.  One of those this past week was about Jesus and the meaning of Easter.  I asked her what she had learned at school, etc.  She didn't have very articulate answers, for a three year old, I'm sure it's all pretty confusing.  Probably, she wants to know who this Jesus is and when can she see him.   As an adult, I sometimes struggle with those same types of questions.  We talked about how Jesus died on the cross and then came back to life...the tomb was empty...so that he can live in my heart, in your heart, in Daddy's heart, etc.  We talked about everyone's hearts that Jesus lives in...Nanna, Pop, Sissy, Brubby, U-U (my sis), Emma, Brooke, Annie, T, Sidda and Buffet.  I think those are all of the people and dogs she inquired about.  It's so sweet seeing the innocence of a child and seeing the world through their eyes.  On Monday, Molly told my Mom that "Jesus lives in my heart...and in your's too, Nanna."  I love that God-fearing baby girl.

Egg hunting was super fun and Marlin and Madeline enjoyed it, too.  Madeline was all about putting eggs in her basket!  Marlin liked it...but it looks like Madeline might have the stronger competitive gene.